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the world is sickSICK;(so kiss me quick):

Recent Entries

10/1/07 12:35 pm - not pessimistic, but with eyes open

im becoming disillusioned with all i do here....

[deleted]

lack of future friends/lovers +
lack of all but a feigned diversity +
lack of sun half the year +
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= move to ____________

9/27/07 10:40 am

i see who you are
behind the skin and the muscles
i see who you are
and when you'll get older later

and afterwards
later this century
when you and i have
become corpses

let's celebrate now
all this flesh on our bones
let me push you
up against me
tightly
and enjoy every bit of you


----------->>>> im hatching a glorious and secret plan. it's all i can think about. entailing a change so great that only one person could possibly prompt me to do it.

9/12/07 11:23 pm - i want my beard back

last winter



it's getting chilly again. one two three grow
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browsing through that wishlist i made a ways ago...

i got them all done except the glasses and the piercings. not bad considering i had all this other shit to take care of this summer which i hadnt planned on.
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random fun fact i discovered tonight--->
my little house was built over 80 years ago...."Les Henzler's Lawnmower Repair Shop operated on 3rd ave between Blair Blvd and Van Buren from 1926 to 1961. It also served as Wes' home." pretty damn old considering it was a just a bunch of wagon trains not much earlier than that.

8/30/07 11:35 am - ahhh....im still here

i had some obstacles the past few months. it's been quite trying, but im pulling through. yep.

4/22/07 11:16 pm - enough said

The great epochs of our life come when we gain the courage to rechisten our evil as what is best in us.

4/20/07 09:46 pm

We knew that she herself painted flowers in water-color, and my grandmother, who had heard these praised, spoke to her of them. Mme de Villeparisis modestly changed the subject, but without showing any more surprise or pleasure than would an artist of established reputation to whom compliments mean nothing. She said merely that it was a delightful pastime because, even if the flowers that sprang from the brush were nothing wonderful, at least the work made you live in the company of real flowers, of the beauty of which, especially when you were obliged to study them closely in order to draw them, you could never grow tired.
p.393

4/16/07 11:47 am

i've been putting so much energy into work on the weekends, that ive been needing monday as a total relaxation day. i was looking forward to a little bit of work outside, but it's so cold and overcast that i dont want to leave my room. noelle from california would always remind me that just above that layer of clouds is bright bright sun. the clouds dont make me depressed anymore, but i feel so cold without the sun.

the fern-sarah goodbye blowout was a good time...yummy yummy vanilla stoli and a firedancer even. i got to chat with german linda and hopefully ill make efforts to meet up with her. the super sarah pie went over well but id still like to do something special for those ladies before they go. oh i also got donated several good albums...
nick drake
velvet underground
the cure
neil young
mazzy star
new order
it was quite a score. i made sure to browse the collection before anyone else got to it. im also gonna dig up a couple of the baby lilacs from their tree. i wonder if lilac wine is really a possibility, mmm....sweet and heady

4/14/07 10:10 pm - swimming pool reveries

i came under the sway of the eros today. i had the true but implausible experience of first saying hello as he stood before me naked. there was a certain way to the look he gave me that seemed like something was understood between us. i dont know though cause i was running late and all rushed. it had been a good while since i had felt that instant overpowering draw toward someone. dont know the words for it. i felt a great yearning for the rest of the day, kept seeing his face and imagining how i could find him again. but it also struck me as an awareness of what was going on inside myself. the desiring part of me woke and grew warm. i really like how that feels.

4/11/07 09:32 pm

starting with the pessimistic bit...
i think i fucked up my dahlias.
oh no!! dahlias are my most most favorite as of late, and ones i got this year were the huge dinnerplate kind, bright red. i put them in the place of honor in the sunny patch by the side of the house. the problem is i was overexcited and was watering them every day it didnt rain. i just found out though that youre not supposed to water them after the first planting. the tubers rot in the soil with too much moisture. and now its raining a whole bunch and theyre probably really saturated. we'll see...
well if thats the biggest complaint then i guess youre not too bad off.
im excited about lots of stuff. i now have stain and spakel in my possession. im gonna put it to use within the week. i have other relatively expensive purchases that i have to plan out.
-------->
1. a real pair of reading glasses. enough of the found pair ive been using for years now.
2. cat shots. i hafta go to the vet i like even though its more expensive. $125 each
3. new tattoo. it's gonna say 'phronesis' on my right arm. im going to julien's of course, though its too small for him to do.
4. air and fuel filter for the car. this is a must before the summer comes so i can actually drive out of town.
5. ear piercings. that shouldnt be too much but maybe theyll have to do something special cause it never quite healed from when i did it before.
.......
i can do it all by my birthday, im sure i can. also have a finished room and have pretty things growing in the yard. keep on dreamin babe

3/28/07 09:27 pm

ive had a couple of amazing days and i feel like they're lost now cause i didnt write about them anywhere. yesterday was quite a treat thanks to amber's advice. while it was all cold and windy, i holed myself up in the living room watching a movie with kalua and coffee. i opted for the Best of Youth movie which i had been saving for a special day cause it's really long. six hours and i was disappointed to see it end. the italian landscapes were incredible and also incredible were the relations between the characters. some quality acting, with lots of good talk for me to repeat along with...te piace, senti scusa...

none of the roomies are leaving like i thought which is great. except of course for paul who'll probably be back. im still gonna miss him.
the fern sarah combo is definitely going to chicago, and the rachel jay combo is going that way as well. those are all my friends who do quirky art...ill need more of those.

my room is just frustrating me now. the sanding is much more work than i had anticipated. and since ive spent so much time on it already, i feel like i have to make it look really good. in a couple weeks, hopefully, ill actually start painting. hurry up and get it done already.

love is a madness, divine possession.
hmmm...random, but TRUE
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