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the world is sickSICK;(so kiss me quick):

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9/28/13 04:06 pm - 'Herbsttag' Rainer Maria Rilke

Herr: es ist Zeit. Der Sommer war sehr groß.
Leg deinen Schatten auf die Sonnenuhren,
und auf den Fluren laß die Winde los.

Befiel den letzten Früchten voll zu sein;
gib ihnen noch zwei südlichere Tage,
dränge sie zur Vollendung hin und jage
die letzte Süße in den schweren Wein.

Wer jetzt kein Haus hat, baut sich keines mehr.
Wer jetzt allein ist, wird es lange bleiben,
wird wachen, lesen, lange Briefe schreiben
und wird in den Alleen hin und her
unruhig wandern, wenn die Blätter treiben.


...
...my translation, made piecemeal from others

Lord: it is time. The summer was immense.
Lay your shadows on the sundial,
and across the fields let the wind loose.

Command the last fruits to be full;
give them still two more southerly days,
press them on toward fulfillment and drive
the last sweetness into the heavy wine.

Who now has no house, will build no more.
Who now is alone, will long remain so,
will keep watch, read, write long letters
and will in the avenues up and down
restlessly wander, as the leaves drift.

8/31/10 08:50 pm - unfaßlicher

Entre la Voix et la Pensee, entre la Pensee et la Voix, entre la Presence et l'Absence, oscille le pendule poetique.
Valery

8/5/09 12:07 pm

masculinities, male same-sex desire
plato
proust
whitman
edward carpenter
gide
blake
foucault
jack malebranche

4/22/09 09:12 am

i need to make myself write. i need something to break me through. ive been wishing i could fast forward through the next few months...i hate that. it's such a pessimistic and fucking impotent state of mind.
i'm confident that things will be well in a while. after i get back to oregon. now that's true but i cant sit idle and just wait for that. it's a repetition of the original mistake which caused me to come out here. you have to change the circumstances you find yourself in. help yourself dude.
working...
im so weary, so weary of the job search. interviews and resumes and waiting for people to give me shit jobs that i dont even want. but you can muster up some strength to get through it for the next few months. you need some money to get you outta here.
reading...
i spent several months working on the hansen and quinn. i got through it and was and am very proud. but after all that intensiveness, i havent had the strength to do any reading at all. i need to change that right now.
guitar...
i dont play as much and i need to
porn...
dont do it
tv...
dont do it
ocean...
get there every week
lake ella...
get there every week
get on your bike more, sleep less, write more, talk to people more...blah blah

8/4/08 02:43 pm

i moved to tampa. it's a rather mediocre city. some little delightful bits here and there. as in my house is gorgeous and i get to swim in the ocean weekly. i'm gonna have to explore more of florida. there's this strange thing going on with a younger boy. balanced by the desire to continue my solo way of life. ive read 450 pages of proust in two months. thats more than in the past year or two. i also spend lots of time with my guitar. no internet or tv but ive gotten addicted to netflix. no enjoyable work like i did in eugene. too bad i cant do school right now. i feel like it would go well with my current state of mind. maybe soon.

1/31/08 11:48 pm

You are a splendid butterfly
It is your wings that make you beautiful
And I could make you fly away
But I could never make you stay

You said you were in love with me
Both of us know that that's impossible
And I could make you rue the day
But I could never make you stay

Not for all the tea in China
Not if I could sing like a bird
Not for all North Carolina
Not for all my little words

Not if I could write for you
The sweetest song you ever heard
It doesn't matter what I do
Not for all my little words

12/27/07 12:49 pm - when ARE you gonna be in the mood??

im not so much up for writing today. i came here to the library cause i told myself i was gonna write emails to those far off ones. i got as far as a short one to meshell. i dont know what i have to say. other than that ive got dick on my mind. my roommates baked me a penis cookie last week.

11/21/07 12:58 pm

10-Day Forecast for.................10-Day Forecast for
Eugene, OR (97402).................Tampa, FL
[ English | Metric ].....................[ English | Metric ]
Printable Forecast.....................Printable Forecast


Forecast Conditions.................Forecast Conditions
High/Low °F............................High/Low °F

Thu Nov 22.............................Thu Nov 22
Sunny......................................Isolated T-Storms
49°/28°...................................82°/64°

Fri Nov 23.............................Fri Nov 23
Sunny.....................................Few Showers
49°/33°...................................74°/60°

Sat Nov 24.............................Sat Nov 24
Cloudy....................................Mostly Cloudy
49°/36°...................................80°/65°

Sun Nov 25.............................Sun Nov 25
Few Showers...........................Partly Cloudy
48°/38°...................................84°/67°

Mon Nov 26............................Mon Nov 26
Few Showers...........................Isolated T-Storms
47°/37°...................................80°/65°

Tue Nov 27.............................Tue Nov 27
Showers...................................Partly Cloudy
46°/36°...................................84°/65°

Wed Nov 28...........................Wed Nov 28
Cloudy....................................Partly Cloudy
47°/38°...................................79°/63°

Thu Nov 29.............................Thu Nov 29
Showers...................................Partly Cloudy
45°/38°...................................81°/61°

Fri Nov 30.............................Fri Nov 30
Mostly Sunny.........................Sunny
44°/37°...................................80°/60°


Last Updated Nov 21, 12:54 PM PT

10/5/07 01:55 pm - otro mundo mas alla

i had to sell some more of my books today so i could cover rent. so sad when i have to do that. i gave them my big colorful larousse dictionary. i guess im probably not gonna be doing further study in french, but i liked it all the same. last week my nan goldin photo book went to the same fate. it's really just laughable that i'm "planning" this 3000mi move while im in such a state.

so i wrote some really crappy things about eugene a few days back. i felt like with all the bitterness i had betrayed part of myself. ive received so much good from my time here. hopefully i can keep that in mind while still coming to the realization that it's no longer where i should be. im not even sure about that in itself. i need advice from an old friend...ouija board ouija board can you help me?....kathleen of course.
i was especially disappointed in what i had to say about my work. for even as im giving way more than im receiving now, in three years it has given me more than i could have hoped for from any job. i found one of tom's tapes yesterday. brad started singing it, and i knew we had it around somewhere...
something's burning
something's burning
look out!
look out!
fire fire fire fire
water water water water
it was that crazy chirstian tape that i ended up being so fond of. listening to it last night, i remembered that i used to sing AND dance for over an hour every day. so much joy to have been lost so quickly and so irretrievably.

10/2/07 11:59 am

ken burns "the war". ive been glued to it. very uneasy-like cause a lot of it is pretty unsettling. there were a couple moments in the past couple episodes i want to write about before i forget them. i tried to look for a transcript so i could copy it precisely, but my memory will have to suffice.

the first is a story told by (i think) eugene sledge from mobile, alabama. he was serving in the pacific. this specific account is from Peleliu in 1944, an island 7 square miles defended by 6,000 japanese troops. by the end of the two month battle only 33 surrendered or were captured. eugene talks about having to walk for miles stepping on decaying japanese corpses. he was particularly distressed by the savagery shown by his fellow troops in looting through the belongings of the dead, comparing it to "taking scalps"....
"i saw a fellow soldier dragging a japanese soldier off by his legs. the man had received great injuries and could not move his arms, but was still alive. when he opened his mouth i saw what the marine was after--a mouth full of gold teeth. the marine took his knife and wedged it underneath the gumline of the soldier, trying to pry out a tooth. the soldier's legs started flailing around and the knife went deep into his mouth, followed by a piercing cry. i shouted "put that man out of his misery!" to which i received only a cussing out. another of my regimen, similarly distressed by the sight, went up and put a bullet through the soldier's head. the marine went about his work extracting the gold teeth."

the next is a story by ray leopold an infantryman assigned to the ardennes in luxembourg, where the battle of the bulge would shortly break out. after being shot in his thigh and nursing the wound himself, ray was promoted to medic and thereafter did not have to carry a gun. throughout the six week battle, ray worried about what would happen to him if he were taken prisoner, and hid his dog tags (marked with "H" for hebrew) in his glove. this account covers a conversation with one german soldier recently taken prisioner by the americans....
"this man turned to me and asked without any trace of an accent where i was from. i told him i was from the united states. "where in the united states?" he asked. i told him i was from the northeast. "where in the northeast?" he asked. i told him that i was from connecticut. "where in connecticut?" he went on. i was surprised by his questioning but replied "i'm from waterbury." then the german soldier answered, "oh yes, waterbury connecticut. at the confluence of the naugatuck and housatonic rivers." now you have to know something about the area-- the housatonic is a relatively large river, but the naugatuck is so small you can practically jump across it. i was astonished and asked the german how he could have possibly known this. he replied, "i was in training for the administration."
"the administration of what?"
"the administration of the territories"
"
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